process vs outcome

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Painting on canvas has always been scary for me, because I felt that the outcome is too crucial, that it has to become a proper painting and this expectation blocked me. Often I work intuitively, so I never know what will appear, sometimes it works out and sometimes not. When I work on paper that is fine, but I don’t want to waste a lot of canvas. So it was rather new to me yesterday to actually think about the composition before I started, still leaving space for unexpected things to appear ( like the second hand), and actually I enjoyed the process and will come back to this approach. When I first started painting some years ago, I didn’t care too much about the end result, I simply enjoyed the act of painting, but recently this has changed. This made me think of something that Flora Bowley said: I want both – painting for process and for a nice outcome. Painting has become more like work now, even though it is still very enjoyable and even ecstatic, yet I am often very exhausted after painting for  hours. I don’t know how to put it… Painting is really not an easy thing, even when I get into the “zone”.

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